Who You Are
by SmurfyFriend
Summary: When Kiku Honda, A struggling writer in the midst of an identity crisis, meets an old college friend struggling to get by, will his perspective be changed for the better? Pairings, Giripan, Mentions of past Fruk, AsaKiku if you squint and tilt your head. Trigger warnings: Mentioned character death, and a lot of coffee.


**Hey y'all! **

**Yes, I'm not yet dead! that may change by the end of things, but for now, I'm not yet dead. **

**Was feeling in a bit of an angsty mood. Pretty much exactly like Kiku, actually. I just recently kinda discovered I'm not doing what I want to be doing in life, and have been adrift in a sea of "Oh-my-god-what-am-I-doing-what-should-I- Do" Limbo for weeks now. Plus, my last seasonal position ended a couple of weeks ago, and have been scraping the barrel for work that will allow me to move out ON MY OWN, not with my boyfriend (Even though yes,I love him dearly, and Yes, someday I want to move in with him, but for now I just want to live on my own because I've come to realize that living with roomates and my mother sucks the big one...)**

**So, yeah. Kiku's inspired by the little bit of an identity crisis I've been in, and Arthur is based off the song "Who you are" By Paradise Fears. because, Oh my god, this song ;_; **

**Pairings: Past!FACE, Giripan, Asakiku if you squint and tilt your head**

**Trigger Warnings: Character death mentioned, lots of coffee ahoy**

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><p>Sunshine poured through the window of the hole-in-the-wall coffee shop, shining off of mahogany coffee tables, and through sheer curtains that divided couches into neat little cubbyholes. Near the back, a raven-haired man sat with his coffee cup half-drained, fingers tapping away at the laptop in front of him. Every so often, he would pause to take a sip from his black coffee cup, draining the sweetened bitter liquid from the cup, then go back to writing and rewriting what seemed to be the same sentence over and over. The man sighed. His deadline was quickly looming over him. If he didn't have a good narrative essay for his editor by the end of the week, Kiku Honda could consider his writing career over. But even still, this week it seemed as though all forms of inspiration had left him. Writing was out of the question. Music held no joy for him. Nothing he sketched was of any value. It was fair to say he had hit a wall in terms of art, and had been for several weeks now, missing deadline after deadline for submissions based solely on the fact he couldn't scrape together an interesting enough collection of words and stories and opinions and emotions to be of any worth for a personal journal, let alone a major magazine.<p>

Kiku gave a quiet sigh and closed the lid of his laptop, removing the reading glasses from his face and rubbing where they once sat. He wondered, was his brother right in writing being a bad job choice? He'd been told he had a skill for business; maybe he should've gotten his degree in public speaking, or business relations, or something like that instead of Journalism and English.

He didn't know. All he knew was that he needed a story before the end of the week, or else he would be out of a job and steady paycheck. A meager paycheck that barely covered the bills with a rare coffee or date night, but a paycheck none the less.

Kiku was only brought back from his wallowing in self-doubt by the sound of an airplane, connected to the hand of an overzealous toddler. "_Bbbbbbbbbbbbrrrr!" _it hummed as it "flew" right towards him,"_Ksssh!_ Alpha-Lima-Foxtrot-Romeo-Echo-Delta, you are cleared for landing!" then came to a landing spot next to the corner of Kiku's computer.

Kiku was a little more than stunned at the fact his coffee table had just become a landing strip for what looked like a blonde five-year-old fighter pilot, complete with a bomber jacket three sizes too big and flight goggles. The young pilot looked up at Kiku with sky blue eyes, and immediately looked contrite. "O-Oh!" He almost exclaimed. "I'm sorry! I didn't see you, mister. This's usually my landing strip."

"That's quite alright," Kiku offered a polite smile, examining the toy airplane- a World War Two era fighter plane, as he recognized from the paint. "you have a very beautiful plane, cadet."

The boy beamed in pride and puffed out his chest. "Thanks, mister!" he said, "That right there's a P-51 Mustang, 1942."

"My, my," Kiku hummed, a little surprised the child knew the make, model and year of the plane when most adults couldn't even place a name. "You're smart for your age."

Just as the child went to thank the man, he was cut off. "Alfred F.J. Kirkland!" A thickly accented voice called over to him. "You leave that poor man alone already!"

Alfred looked up sheepishly as a waiter approached Kiku's table. "Honestly, Alfred," the blonde-haired waiter scowled, giving a tired sigh. "I told you already, you're not allowed to land your plane when your landing space is occupied already."

"Yes, Iggy…" Alfred chirped softly, picking up his plane from the table.

"Good. Now apologize to the nice man for bothering him."

Alfred turned to Kiku and bowed his head. "Sorry for bothering you, sir."

Kiku gave the child a smile. "that's alright, cadet. It was nice to learn about your beautiful plane."

Alfred beamed happily, then dashed away, sitting down at a table where a small blonde child already sat with a coloring book in hand. The waiter looked back at Kiku apologetically. "Really, I am terribly sorry." He apologized again. "I hope he wasn't disturbing your writing."

Kiku shook his head. "Not at all, sir." Kiku replied. "It is not like there has been very much writing getting done."

"Sorry to hear that," the waiter cleared the dishes from the bagel Kiku had ordered with coffee. "Can I get you anything while I'm here?"

Kiku shrugged and rolled his neck just slightly. "Some more coffee would be nice."

"Coming right up." The waiter took the cup and hurried back to the counter to refill his coffee.

Kiku watched the waiter. He could've sworn he could recognize him… He had such a familiar face… "Ah," Kiku murmured softly as he realized, "He went to Hetalia University. He was in my Ethics class." Kiku closed his eyes. "Arthur, I think. Arthur… Kirkland? No, that couldn't be. He was majoring in foreign relations, he'd be off in some other country by now."

Almost as quickly as he had left, Arthur returned with Kiku's cup, now filled to the brim with coffee. "There you are," Arthur said, placing it down kitty-corner to Kiku's silver laptop. "just made a fresh pot too."

"_Arigatou,_" Kiku thanked the man, bowing his head slightly. "Say… You didn't happen to go to Hetalia University, did you?"

"I did," Arthur smirked. "For a moment I didn't even recognize you. But now I can see. It's good to see you again, Kiku."

"_Hai, _You as well, my friend_"_ Kiku nodded, "Weren't you were going for a Foreign Relations major?"

"Yes, that's right," Arthur's smirk seemed to fade a bit. "You, Journalism, if I'm not mistaken."

"That's correct," Kiku kept up his polite smile, sensing his companion's major was a touchy subject. "How have you been?"

"Oh, you know," His glance wandered back to the two boys at the table. "I've been."

Kiku followed his glance to the boys. "Sons?"

Arthur nodded, his smile becoming small and tired. "Yeah," he said softly. "My whole world."

Kiku could almost see the air of gloom that had come over his estranged friend and former classmate. "Do you have long for your shift?" Kiku asked, "It'd be really nice to catch up with an old friend, maybe have some coffee."

Arthur checked the time. "I have another ten minutes or so," He said, eyes tired. "I could definitely go for a cuppa about now."

Kiku smiled as Arthur went around, bussing his last tables and making sure Alfred wasn't getting into more trouble, then went into the back room for several minutes. He left the back room without the black apron that was once around his waist, and made his way back to Kiku's table. "So… are you still writing, Kiku?" Arthur asked as a waitress approached them.

"_Hai,_ I am." Kiku nodded, "Though, as I mentioned before, not as much as I would like to be."

"Sorry to hear that," Arthur said sympathetically, and then turned to the waitress as she approached. "Can I just have a cup of Earl Grey tea, please, Bella?"

"Sure thing, Arthur," the blonde waitress wrote it down on her pad. "What about the boys? Want me to bring something over for them?"

Arthur glanced over to the boys at the table, as if weighing the options in his mind. "Well… they've been pretty good today…" he murmured, "sure… send them both over a slice of cake. Chocolate for Alfred, and Vanilla for Matthew, please." He waited for her to write it down before he added, "And you please tell them that if I see them not using their manners, there will be no sweets for a week."

"I'll let them know," Bella gave him a wink and turned back to fill his order.

"You are very good with them,"Kiku remarked.

"It depends on the day," Arthur shrugged his shoulders. "It's mostly just the luck of the day."

"I suppose," Kiku shrugged, taking a sip from his coffee. "Still, do not take this the wrong way, but it is a little odd to have one's children at work with you."

"They aren't usually," Arthur half-chuckled dryly, "It's just, today, my brothers all fell through with babysitting, and I couldn't get anybody at the last minute."

"Ah, I'm sorry." Kiku nodded.

Another moment or two passed before Bella brought a cup of tea to Arthur's spot at the table. Kiku took another big sip from his coffee. "I seem to remember you being in a relationship with a certain Frenchman back when we were in University not long ago," Kiku commented, gesturing slightly to the gold band on Arthur's left hand. "I see it's been made official then?"

Arthur's smile faded significantly. "It… was…" his voice was soft, "But I'm afraid…. Well, he isn't in the picture anymore."

"Oh." Kiku mentally kicked himself. "I'm terribly sorry…. I had no idea…"

"Don't be," Arthur shook his head, blinking his eyes a lot. "It's… still fairly recent. Only two months."

"I see." Kiku's voice was soft.

There was a moment of silence between them. "Car crash." Arthur finally murmured through his hands, "Francis was… was driving the boys home from a play date, and the roads were slippery…" he inhaled, his breath sounding jagged. "It's been two months since he left without goodbye."

"I'm very sorry…" Kiku said softly.

"It's okay." Arthur replied shakily, wiping his eyes. "I'm sorry I just started dumping all of this on you… It's just, you're the first friendly face I've really seen since it happened."

"That's alright," Kiku shook his head, waving off his concerns dismissively. "I do not mind. Everybody needs a chance to vent. I do not mind being a friend to a friend in need."

Arthur chuckled dryly and took a sip from his tea. "Who knows, perhaps you will help me write a story worth something." Kiku smiled companionably.

Arthur laughed a dry laugh again. "I'm afraid my story's about the same as most others' you'd find." He muttered, "Bright student looking to change the world gets derailed by two angels dropped into his lap and has to quit school to care for them, then ends up working two jobs to feed two kids when he's left alone. So full of Circumstance and shame."

"I wouldn't say that," Kiku took a sip of coffee. "In all honesty, I think you're a very strong individual for doing what you did."

"I appreciate that." Arthur smiled sadly.

"Honestly, you're better than most people I know," Kiku shook his head, "Look at me, I've missed deadline after deadline because I can't scrape together an adequate article to submit. I'm twenty-nine, can't commit to a serious relationship, and still finding time to be adrift in 'is-this-what-I'm-meant-to-do' Limbo. Things could be going so much worse for me, and yet every day it's a battle to get up in the morning."

Arthur smiled and shrugged his shoulders slightly. "There's one thing in life I've learned… We're all a little stronger than we think we are." He said, "I mean, it isn't easy getting by… but as long as you remember who you are… well, that's the important part of it.

Arthur sighed slightly and stirred his tea. "Even still, I can't say I disagree." His voice was soft, "Even with that knowledge, It seems like the world gets heavier every day… There's days even food's lost its taste."

Arthur looked over at the boys, face deep in cake. "I miss him every day." His voice was soft, "the boys were devastated…. Alfred's Aspergers was worse than it had been… Matthew only just started talking again…"

The British man looked down at his tea, swirling it. "And if all that isn't enough, CPS has been on me for weeks now, breathing down my neck and waiting for me to prove I'm an inadequate parent." His voice quivered. "My greatest fear now, is that I'll be left all alone again… I… I don't think my heart could take it if I lost them, Kiku…"

"That's terrible," Kiku frowned, "Please, if there's anything I can do to help, don't hesitate to ask."

"I appreciate that, mate," Arthur took a sip from his tea and watched Alfred and Matthew. "I can't lose them… not after I lost their father…"

"I can sympathize," Kiku put a hand to Arthur's on the table in what he'd hoped was a reassuring manner. "Francis was a good man."

"He was," Arthur fiddled with the ring, holding it close to his heart, fighting the tears as they bubbled from his eyes. "He was a very good man… Even though I didn't tell him often enough."

Arthur looked back at Kiku with teary eyes. "Kiku, I need you to do me a favor," he said, his voice shaky, "For once in my life, I need someone else to tell me everything will be okay."

Kiku offered a sad smile and gave Arthur's hand a squeeze. "There's one thing in life that someone very wise and strong has taught me." He said, "We're all a little stronger than we think we are." Kiku looked up to see Arthur wiping his tears, "You can bend a little farther, and if you remember who you are… Things will be okay."

"Th-thank you, Kiku…"Arthur's voice was a choke. "I n-needed that."

"Anything for a friend,"Kiku replied softly as Bella came back to drop off the checks, without saying a word.

As Arthur reached for the checks, Kiku took them both and shook his head. "Do not worry about it. Save your money."

"You're in no place to spend it either." Arthur replied.

"No, but it is not unlike I am destitute." Kiku replied, placing his debit card on the two checks and propping them up on the edge of the table.

Arthur looked down. "Well… Thank you…" he replied. "It isn't much, but I appreciate it."

"Of course." Kiku replied, opening up his wallet to fish out money for a tip. "Oh, I almost forgot. You were my waiter as well, but I didn't finish before you left your shift." Kiku doled out a few bills, then pushed them over to Arthur.

Arthur looked down at the bills and pushed them back over to Kiku. "Keep it." He said, "You paid for lunch."

Kiku shook his head. "That was simply a friend helping a friend." He replied. "This is business."

Arthur hesitated for half a moment before he took the bills on the table and put them in his pocket. "Thank you." He said softly. "This is more kindness I've been shown in a long time."

"If you ever need anything, Please don't hesitate to call." Kiku told him, "I will try to do the best I can. You are not alone in this."

"Thank you." Arthur looked as though he was going to cry again. "The world needs more people like you, Kiku."

Before Kiku could say much of a thank you, Arthur stood. "I'm sorry to run so suddenly, I have to bring Matthew to hockey practice." Arthur apologized, "But we should do this again sometime."

"_Hai_, it was good to catch up with a friend." Kiku smiled. "Take care."

Arthur smiled, and walked back to the table where the two boys were just going back to their play. "You too, Kiku."

Kiku watched them silently as the boys gathered up their playthings, then hurried out the door to make the child's hockey practice. The raven-haired Japanese man glanced at his watch. 3:24. He still had another two hours at least before his roommate and love, Heracules, got off work and could come pick him up. Kiku sighed. He swirled what was left of his coffee, taking another drink. When he put the cup down, on the coaster he was given so as not to leave unsightly rings- or at least, more than there already were dotting the table- and stared down at his computer. It sat there patiently, just where he had left it, before a certain young pilot decided to use his table as landing space. Not fully aware of what he was doing, pale, slender fingers lifted the lid of the laptop, finding it had went into sleep mode instead of turning off. His effeminate fingers flew over the keys quickly, tapping in his password. When the lock screen faded away and he was greeted by the default chime, Kiku clicked onto the big blue "W" icon. He guided his mouse around on the screen, then clicked to start a new document. Then, without being fully aware of it, he began to type. Not even taking his eyes off the screen, in fact. His eyes didn't leave the screen, so much as a glance to get more coffee, or when at last his phone had a message from Heracules letting him know he was running a little late, but not to worry. Kiku didn't. He continued to type, and proofread, until his phone buzzed from another message from Heracules. "_On my way… Sorry I'm late. Would the gift of mochi earn me forgiveness?"_

Kiku smiled and rolled his eyes. "_You don't need to be forgiven. It gave me extra time to write. But I'll accept the Mochi anyways."_ Kiku tapped back in reply, eyes back to scanning the screen immediately after sending the text.

Kiku read through it a second and third time, even reading it backwards to ensure there were no mistakes, and decided it was ready to send to Mr. Bragvinski- his terrifying editor. He logged onto the internet, and into his email. He rolled his eyes again as he was forced to type in the email he'd created for himself when he was in middle school, then never bothered to change when he was a professional adult. After promising himself he would change over to another email eventually, he typed out a message to his intimidating editor, and attached his document.

"_Mr. Bragvinski,_

_Here is the narrative I promised you…. I'm sorry I haven't been hitting the deadlines for other articles as of late. Inspiration had been… scarce, to say the least. But, needless to say, I'm feeling much better now, and am more than willing to accept more assignments again, if you'll let me. _

_Thank you as always,_

_Kiku Honda"_

Kiku hit the send button just as his phone vibrated again. "_I'm outside,_" Heracules's text read.

Kiku waited half a second to make sure the email had sent, and closed his laptop, pulling the plug from the wall and stuffing everything into his backpack. He made for certain he had everything that belonged to him, and hurried outside to where he saw his Hera-kun waiting for him in Kiku's cool-green Subaru. He opened up the door and slid into the passenger seat, buckling up his safety belt before Heracules started driving away. "How was writing?" Heracules asked calmly, "Get any work done?"

Kiku sighed. "I didn't, at first." He said, "To be honest, I spent most of the morning questioning myself and wondering if Yao was right about this writing thing being a bad idea."

Heracules frowned and his grip tightened on the steering wheel. "But," Kiku continued, his voice softened, "I had a chance encounter with someone I went to University with… And he reminded me we're stronger than we think we are…" Kiku looked up with a tired smile. "I wrote something worth something, Hera-kun. I actually wrote the narrative Bragvinski-san wanted. In record time, at that."

"That's wonderful, Kiku." Heracules's frown softened, and his soft smile returned. "I'm happy for you… I knew you could do it."

"Thank you, Hera-Kun. I really do appreciate your support." Kiku leaned up against his companion, entwining their fingers- a gesture not often done by the conservative man. "And… I know I don't say it very much… But I love you. A lot."

"I love you too, Kiku." Heracules looked at his raven-haired lover with some confusion. "Not that I can refuse you saying words like that, but what's brought on all this… affection?"

"Just… A reminder…." Kiku replied softly, "Of how the world can change… and how grateful I am that you're here…"

Heracules took the hand that wasn't occupied by the steering wheel, and brought it up to his face, pressing a kiss to Kiku's hand. "I'm glad you have your inspiration back." He said softly, "I hated watching you look so lost and adrift."

"I'm glad too, Hera-kun." Japan replied quietly, "I'm glad too…"

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><p><strong>Review, fave, follow author, and feed your ninjas well! :D<strong>


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